Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
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Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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