How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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