I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
