and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
