Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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