What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
