Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
