so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
