Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
