apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
