the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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