Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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