I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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