Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
