Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
