I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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