why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So. Much. Porn.
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