Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
