I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
