i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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