how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
