I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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