woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
