this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
