i would one night stand the shit outta him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
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I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
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my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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