After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
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OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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