I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
