we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
