dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think im going to throw up on grandma
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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