the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
