god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
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