Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I need to calm my uterus...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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