Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
