I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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