he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
