Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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