I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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