Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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