I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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