Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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