Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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