walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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