think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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