Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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