I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
