I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
