Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
