I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize