Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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