she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
