If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
