Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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