the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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