SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
