just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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