she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
