ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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