I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
