My brain says no but my pants say off.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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