He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
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I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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