would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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