i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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