I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
