yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
50% drunk capacity currently
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
