well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize