well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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